Miss competition, exit stage right.

Dear God, please someone take this damned cell phone away from me. I weild it like a weapon, like the broken bottle of whiskey that i should nbe waving around the bar, like the marlinspike that i should be sliding between the ribs of someone down in the foc'sle, like the broken pool cue...

But not like any of those things because they are all used to hurt other people. I suppose the cell phone is like a surrogate gilette super blue, the bottle of valium that i forgot to down BEFORE I started on the vodka.

Instead, I ruin myself by making drunken phonecalls to people who never call me. Nobody ever calls me. Ever. Well, sometimes my mom does when she reads an article about diabetes or how many people get killed out at sea in my line of work.

And i am paying for the privilidge to keep this social suicide machine in my pocket at all drunken times. Sheesh!

So we pulled into Cape May New Jersey last night after a ten day water quality (euthropication)/fish waste site survey that took us from atlantic city in the north, to hatteras in the south. Had an evening in little creek VA. for a scientist crew change.

I returned to the ship in savanna on the 13th. It was the last night that Miss competition would be with the ship. Thank god i made it in time. I am really not a vindictive person, I am not really someone who likes to leave things on bad terms, even with folks that i consider to be absolute scum. But I needed this. That five minutes we spent in the corner of the bar were worth their weight in gold. It was the catharsis i needed after the death of the great Dickey-Mo.

Good Captain picked me up at the airport and filled me in on some of the doings on the ship in my absence. Told me he had resigned. I expressed my sorrow at seing another good man slip his mooring lines to this ship. Blah, blah. I know that this touching scene isn't really of any interest, but I just wanted to mention it. by way of memorium, dig?

Anyway-on to the bar. Most of the crew had already gone out to this joint on the other side of the old market from where we were tied up. Knew the place. Disliked the place, but hadda get to see Miss competition. See, I haden't spoken to her about anything but ships business since AT LEAST february. I had no idea if she even noticed. I wondered, but I wasn't doing it to hurt her in any way, I was just keeping my distance because she wasn't worth my time. And that is saying a lot considering some of the people I spend my time with. Anyhows. I'm sippin on my sam watching some of the crew playing pool. Talking to dolly a bit, mostly about how we were glad "that bitch" was leaving the ship. I see ManWhore heading for the door. I see Miss competition saying her teary goodby's ot folks. I move off to the side, partly to see if she will make the effort to actually come over to me for a goodby scene, partially so I could speak to her freely, without prying ears. And I knew that she would come over. And she did. And she starts in on this big soap-operatic teary speech about how much she had been "missing" me and my company, and how she wished that things were diffrent and she didn't really want the ManWhore and can't we just slip out of here and go to a diffrent bar together? and how do you feel about me anyway?

I go: Well, Uh, *shrug*

To which her eyes start welling up. WE used to be so close! We were a team. That doesn't matter? I'm going to MISS you. You were the reason I came to work on the boat in the first place.

I go: Umm, see, like...Aww I don't know...

And she turns away from me and heads back to the arms of ManWhore, And I go: hey! She spins, and I move in close, real close and do that old trick where you burn your eyes into the space between the eyes so that they have to keep ping-ponging back and forth to figgure out which eye to look into and I am burning a hole right into that banal "cerebral" cortex of hers and I wait a beat. and she sucks her breath in and holds it. So I wait for her to breath again, both of us locked into this old social-worker/security guard dominance display that i honed over the years (rarley ever dusting it off anymore...) and we are locked in. Man and she looks like she is nine years old, caught peeking at her stepfather in the shower. And so i go "Are you EVER going to work on a ship again?" And she starts in on how yeah! I want to come back to the ship in a coupla months, just got to straighten some things out at home blah blah...(I wasn't interested in her reasons for leaving..) NO, I didn't ask if you were going to work on THIS ship again. (i say) 'cuz you probably won't. I just want to know if you are going to live this life or if you were just a fucking tourist. Well sure...I ...I... If i can't get back on the ship, I guess I can go work for wood's hole or something. (she says) And i go: OK. Just wondering.

She goes in for the hug, she goes in for the kiss. I turn my body and stretch out for a long pull on the last quarter left in the bottle of sam so she can't do either. Well goodbye she says. Yeah, later (smacking the bottle of sam down on the bar) and she tries to leave again. and I go: hey! (again) and she looks all expectant for some sort of approval or clemency or something and Because, I say to her, looking into her eye this time, Because when you are out there I want you to remember that i taught you EVERYTHING that you know. And don't you fucking forget it.

Right. She says nothing, just leaves. And i don't even know what i was trying to prove, I don't know what i proved either. Alls I know is that it needed to be said. And it felt good saying it. I think I am really turning into a mean person. I have never really embraced meaness, and maybe it is high time because evrybody's doin' it. And it feels fucking good. Fucking Aye!

Over and Out.