Jun. 23rd, 2010

saltdawg: (Default)
When I was sixteen, I sort of took advantage of a girl that had a crush on me.

No, I didn't take advantage in *that* way. I took advantage because she had a crush on me and worked at "the barn of fun" in Dennisport, Massachusetts. She worked at the barn of fun and ran the skee-ball machines. Skee-ball is one of the only competitive "sports" which I've ever taken an interest, practiced, and excelled at. I actually kind of hate most everything which involves "competition" except proving that I'm the most bad-assed, most awesomest dude, ever. You all know this already, but I'm the kind of guy who believes that my wallet IS worth my life.

Anyway, I wish I could even remember her name...She used to come down to the beach parking-lot and sit with me for hours during the daytime. She introduced me to "the cure" in one of those parking lots as a matter of fact. I was punk savvy, but not totally post-punk savvy at the time. In fact I was and still am kind of an idiot when it comes to music. I mean, I know what I like, but I've always been too lazy to go looking for what I want.

So anyway, I was sixteen and had my brand-new driver's license. The Barn Of Fun was clear across town and I'd drive my 1975 CJ-5 over there almost every evening, when there wasn't something better going on. I'd drive over there and she had this slug on a wire that she could put into the coin-slot for free credits on the machine. I'd get there and she'd hook me up with about one hundred credits or so. I got really good at Skee-Ball. I can't say that I'm as good as I was then, but the tickets and "prizes" really racked up. All because she gave me a free pass.

And sure, we'd flirt, but I always felt a little creepy because she had just left the eighth grade, and I was in high school. Funny how that minor difference doesn't even enter into the picture anymore. Once you're OLD. Like me.

The thing is that I'd win all these prizes and shit/crap and I never once thought to give a one of them to her. I'd either burn them in a bonfire later that night or hand them off to some random girl I believed would make out with me. Sad thing is that they usually did.

Anyway, sometimes, when words like "funnelcakes" get bandied around, I think about that poor girl with a crush on a total prick, who introduced that total prick to Lovecats....

I think about her and wonder about the what if's and whatnot. I wonder what kind of impact I actually had on her life. If she ever got in dutch for giving me all those free credits. I wonder if her memories of me even come close to my memories of her.

I can't remember her name, and I've deactivated Facebook, so I guess I'll never know. I miss her and wish I had been better to her. I wish that I UNDERSTOOD that she was doing all these things because she had a crush on me. But I think it's best left at the wondering. She was all High-Class and stuff and we'd have probably made another disaster story.

My point. Aside from being a Skee-ball prodigy. My point is that some relationships are best when they haven't been had. If you know what you mean.


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February 2011

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